Are You Stuck or Depressed? Now What?
Have you ever felt stuck in your lifetime journey? Unsure of what to try or do next can cause one to be down in the dumps and possibly depressed. How did you get stuck and what are some ways to get unstuck?
Before Divorce
I have had things happen in my lifetime that at the time seemed unsurmountable. Divorce is one such example. As I was navigating through my divorce, it seemed like I would never be happy again. I felt like such a failure. I had always believed marriage was forever, but it wasn’t working out that way. Things had gotten out of hand and neither of us was willing to continue to go down the counseling road. We agreed to a divorce, but we didn’t agree on the “equitable distribution” of things.
During the Divorce
Generally, things were not important to me and I feel the same way today. There were, however, some sentimental items like photographs of our children, a glass or plate that was special to me, etc. We were at much different economic levels, me having a substantially lower salary than he did. I wanted enough financial means to start over, and I was willing to give up (in my opinion), a lot of things to be able to climb back up. Negotiations were not pleasant and even though we had agreed not to use attorneys, it ultimately was necessary.
I felt helpless and sad more than I ever thought I would. I slept a lot. Looking back on it now, I was probably depressed and didn’t even realize it.
After Divorce
There is life after divorce, but it sure takes a while to figure that out. Eventually, the divorce was final. I did get some financial assistance to help me get on my feet. I was also able to buy a duplex with a tenant on one side to help pay the mortgage. Never mind that the tenant gave notice the week I was closing. Time for more sleeping.
Not long after the divorce, I moved to a different city. My duplex was turned into rental property and provided additional income. I still own it today and it is still paying me. I joined several Meetup groups, one of which was an active singles over 40 group. We went hiking, kayaking, swimming, dancing and more. I became a late-in-life athlete and have thrived on the healthy lifestyle. Eventually, my life got put back together.
Several years of being single helped to make me a stronger woman. I had figured out what I wanted in life. Eventually I met the man that I wish I had met the first time. We are happily enjoying our third year together and we have a very similar mindset on most things. There are a few things we are strongly opposite on, but our key has been to agree to allow us to be different on those. He is as crazy as I am about life and we try lots of things that are new to one or both of us.
Our adventures have taken us to the Canadian Rockies in Banff, both sides of Niagara Falls and Peru for multiple days of hiking. We are not done yet!
Down in the Dumps
I am a Type-A driven and analytical person who likes to have control of things that affect me. Sometimes I don’t have control. This sometimes occurs when I have a decision to make, like where should I travel next, should I take on another contract job, should I go to visit family, what race should I do next, etc.
When there are too many things that I feel are out of hand, I tend to get a little sad and disappointed. I always know that is occurring because I have a tendency to sleep a little more than normal and to eat unhealthy food and drink a little more alcohol than I normally would. To put it into perspective, the amount of alcohol I normally drink over a year is less than a lot of people drink on a weekend.
Getting Out of the Dumps
I have found one of the best ways to drag myself out of the hole I’ve ended up in is to contact one of my friends. It may not even be a close friend. In fact, it may be someone I’ve never met personally but have related to on FaceBook. By listening to someone else for a while, sometimes I realize that what I’m going through is insignificant compared to the situations they have in their lives.
Another way to lift my spirits is to go for a walk or run and compliment a stranger. The compliment has to be sincere, not phony. Putting a smile on someone else’s face can’t help but put one on yours.
One other thing I’ve tried is to go and volunteer somewhere. There are always organizations and events that need volunteers and it’s hard to be down when someone is thanking you for your help.
Clinical Depression
Clinical depression is an illness that prevents a person from being able to function normally at work, school, church, etc. I am not a medical professional and I have never had clinical depression. The tips I’ve provided above are not a substitute for a professional needed by someone who may be clinically depressed.
Maybe You’re Just Stuck
What if you’re not depressed, but you just don’t know which direction to take? I have found that it helps to have a friend or associate to bounce ideas off of. It’s even better if that person doesn’t provide answers but asks questions. This ultimately helps you to clarify your situation and may even give you the details to arrive at the possible solutions.
Maybe you need a life coach. This person has experience to help you get forward movement in your life. It could be involving a career, a relationship, a problem that you are not sure how to solve. I have personally helped multiple people that have been stuck. These include former students, friends and associates and professional clients.
Please let me know if I can help in any way. I’m happy to provide a free consultation if you mention this blog post.
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